Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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