I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
