I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
