this just has baby written all over it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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