how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
