I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
