is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
