I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
