this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
