just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
