im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
