I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Randomize
