Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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