I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He passed out mid-signature
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
