i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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