you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
