god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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