There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
