but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
PS: I just woke up from my shower
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
