I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
