all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
