I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
