apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
