on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
