Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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