So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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