I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
