I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
