I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
