Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
