Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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