What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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