dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
