Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
