He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My penis needs a shock collar
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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