I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
