A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
