I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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