I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
