Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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