no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
