So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
