**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
