ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
