I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
