go do what you do best...puke behind churches
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
