I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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