I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
