sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
