If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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