What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
