I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
