is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
